Sunday, 7 June 2009

OMG Ive found my father......................

where, how and why??

that i really dont know, my parents split up in 1981 when i was 13yrs old. Im the youngest of 5 and had not the best upbringing my father was an alcoholic, abusive man,. we kept in contact for a while after, but lost contact, id moved got married and moved on in my life. Then my step dad came along and the trouble with it all too, i resented him for a while, he wanted to be my dad i didnt want him to at that time, then years later after having my own children i realised actually he was my Dad and have adored him ever since.

All the time i wondered if my Father was alive and what he was upto had he moved on, in life, had more family as he was only in his early 40's so it was possible,
I went to his last address in Blackpool trying to find him nothing and then 2years ago my oldest sister Betty and I applied with The Salvation Army Tracing Team to find him,
my sister had a phone call on Tuesday to say they had found him Alive,???
He asked after the oldest child Mark? there are 4 other children too you know Father he said he would like to know more about us but through the Sally Army,

Now i dont know how i feel obviously im very pleased he is still Alive, i'd been through the senario of finding him all too late,
I feel terribly disloyal to my Dad (step) he or mum dont know yet, i want to tell them as i feel terribly guilty of knowing and not telling them,
Dad will be so hurt im sure, Mum knows we have been looking for him, im sure she will be shocked to know we have found him,

we have wrote another letter which was posted thursday to say we would like to get to know him again, we cant put too much or else we could frighten him off, so i suppose the ball is in his court now, if he dosnt wanna see us then i guess we've not lost anything but this could also open up a hugs can of worms and how do we all deal with it??

Its been 25years since i saw him, if im honest i cant really remember what he looks like, his voice nothing, will my memories of him come back if and when we meet.
who knows, Im not expecting too much if anything after all if we meant that much to him i dont see how he could have lost touch????

as i sit reading this back i cant believe im going through this after 25 years, i didnt mean it to take this long, i wish i hadnt have left it this long, i guess i wasnt ready to deal with the concequences, its not gonna be easy for any of us, i would just like to have some answers to questions far too personal to post on here, sorry, but you know the years just add up dont they,

so if your reading my blog and possibly in the same situation plz dont leave it so long to trace someone you care about.
thanks for listening love and hugs



Hi I'm Maria... said...

sending you lots of hugs jenni and hope it goes well for you and your brothers and sisters...

maria x

dagbird2001 said...

i am also sending you hugs jenni.i hope it goes whatever way you want it to hun.

jackie(worcs) said...

Lots of *sparkles* and ((hugs)) for you Jen.hope it works out for you all.
Jackie :-)

DGgirl said...

Hi Jenni

How very brave of you. I've never been in this kind of situation so cannot even begin to understandthe feelings you must be having.

At best I can offer you a listening ear and all the hugs and sparkles you need sweetie.


Debbie Dolphin said...

fortunaately ive nevr been in this situation either,so hope it all goes well

Debbie Dolphin said...

fortunaately ive nevr been in this situation either,so hope it all goes well